Decisions of the Unwilling Heart
by bffimagine
Summary: White Day arrives, bringing with it many unpleasant choices... InuMir, SessMir


Bffimagine: Wow. I guess I've been gone for quite a while, huh? About time I updated?

Inuyasha: Damn you. Now you're going to write more and kill us all!

Miroku: Kill us all? Are you kidding? She's gonna kill ME!

Bffimagine: Just to let you people know, this is going to be one LONG one-shot.

A heavy sigh brushed past Inuyasha's lips. Once again, the entire Inu-gumi was camping out in an unknown and possible dangerous forest.

"Are you alright Inuyasha?"

Amber eyes raised and met deep violet ones.

"I'm fine."

Miroku nodded and lightly sat down beside Inuyasha.

"You don't have to choose if you don't want to."

Purple eyes drifted to the ground in deep, sad thought.

"I want to choose Miroku. In fact, I already have," Inuyasha gently brought Miroku's chin up so both of their gazes met.

The expression he saw showed both disappointment and wild hope.

"I've chosen—"

"Kagome," Miroku muttered flatly, his eyes at first widening in disbelief then were glued to the ground with tears beginning to flow.

'I swore to never cry again!' Miroku scolded himself. The tears stopped welling before they could pour over his cheeks.

"No."

Hope sparkled in the beautiful violet eyes again.

"I chose you." A clawed finger tenderly brought up Miroku's chin.

Soon the space between them was closed when Inuyasha kissed Miroku lovingly but hard, though to both of them it was the most wonderful sensation either one had felt.

"What about Kagome?" Miroku whispered breathlessly after they broke apart.

"She's a wonderful friend, but I believe that's all she'll ever be."

"I see."

"And Sango?"

"She is the same to me as Kagome; a kind-hearted person and an outstanding friend. But neither of them will be any more to me." Miroku looked away from Inuyasha as he said this, as if ashamed of the way he was throwing Sango off to the side.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of Miroku. You can't control how you feel."

Miroku nodded silently.

Inuyasha enveloped the younger teen in his arms, whispering words of comfort into his ear.

'Alright,' thought Inuyasha, 'Here's the big day. I hate White Day as of now… who the hell invented this?'

"Kagome," Inuyasha murmured softly.

"Inuyasha! You want to be with me?! This is the happiest day of my life!" Kagome hugged Inuyasha tightly and leaned forward for a kiss, but met with Inuyasha's sympathetic eyes.

"I got this for you," he said, holding out a ring, "So that we'll always be… friends."

Tears poured over Kagome's cheeks. She nodded and took the ring, smiling at the beautiful shard of the Shikon no Tama inset in the you-kai-fang Inuyasha had carved to fit her.

"Thank you Inuyasha. You were kind."

She pulled him into a somewhat goodbye kiss.

"Inuy—"

Miroku stopped in his tracks, breath caught in his throat.

'It's not what I think,' he told himself, choking back tears, 'But The embrace is so tight… the caress so passionate… Inuyasha's ears are twitching with delight…'

Stumbling backwards, Miroku turned and ran when he couldn't bear it any longer. Inuyasha LIED to him… told him that he was the only one that had his heart, but in fact it wasn't him at all—Miroku's worries confirmed—it was Kagome.

Inuyasha heard a twig snap and his ears twitched slightly. He had planned to give Kagome a short, sympathetic and apologetic kiss, just to say 'thank you' for her understanding, but he was more interested in the fact that someone was nearby and forgot he was even locked lips with Kagome.

Kagome, meanwhile, had lost herself completely in Inuyasha's warmth. Her arms wrapped around him and her fingers were entwined in his silvery white hair.

The action of affection had lasted longer than Inuyasha expected, much longer, but once the intoxicating scent of Miroku reached his sensitive nose, Inuyasha broke away and hurriedly muttered his apology and thanks to Kagome and ran after Miroku.

It was too late. All Inuyasha could see was a flash of black and purple, a soft 'chink' of the shakujo (A/N: Or is it Shokaju? Or something? .) and Miroku's receding back.

"MIROKU!" he hollered, but Miroku was far out of earshot.

'He much faster than humans are supposed to be,' Inuyasha mentally grumbled, a hint of loving aggravation in his voice.

The moon shone down onto the patch of grass whereupon Miroku was sitting. The pale light illuminated his beautiful features and the young teen seemingly glowed.

As did the tears on his face.

"Goodbye Inuyasha. I will love you forever."

Back turned on the entire world, dull violet eyes, once so lively and full of time, could see nothing but the tears burning the eyelids and the black eternity of sadness.

Sesshomaru yawned in a bored manner, watching Jaken chase after Rin, who had taken the you-kai's staff.

He suppressed a smile as Rin giggled and bonked Jaken on the head with his own staff, and the irritated expression that sprung to life on Jaken's toad-like face.

The soft 'chink chink' of metal against metal made Sesshomaru's you-kai ears prick up.

"Who goes?" he asked coolly.

Sesshomaru's cold, demanding voice pierced right through the depression haunting Miroku's mind.

"Se-Sesshomaru!" he stammered, taking a few defensive steps back.

"The houshi?" Sesshomaru calmly walked over to the thin, pale form of Miroku.

Examining him carefully, Sesshomaru took Miroku's chin in his hands.

"Are you always like this? Pale and thin… with pain so evident in your eyes?"

"What?"

"You aren't weak, definitely not. Even if you don't use that cursed hole in your hand. But you're so pale and thin… are you sick?"

Rin turned away from Jaken and peered at what Sesshomaru seemed so absorbed in.

"Who is that Jaken?" she inquired curiously, running toward Miroku.

"Master Sesshomaru! Master Sesshomaru!" she called out happily, spreading her cute cheer to everyone save for Miroku.

"Go play with Jaken, I'm busy," Sesshomaru gently patted Rin's head and she nodded just to run off and chase Jaken for a change.

With Rin gone, Sesshomaru continued his interrogation.

"Are you ill?" he continued.

"No."

"I never noticed how pale and thin you really were. You are a very deceiving human, but aren't they all?" Sesshomaru mused, running his claws through Miroku's silky hair.

"Feels like satin," he breathed.

"But you are so strong… what could cause you the pain in your eyes? It's almost as if you've cried those beautiful violet pools dry and now there's nothing left to carry that pain out with. Is that why your pain is so evident?"

Was that a hint of… tenderness in Sesshomaru's voice?

"I'm not strong… I can't stop the tears before they come. I'm not pale and thin, that's just how I am. I'm a human; thin and pale and weak and frail. No one has ever loved me, no one ever will. I try not to get involved with any other living beings because I know they'll just hurt me. I've been hurt so much I've refused to cry. I know certain things will hurt me… but no one has ever cause me as much pain as your brother has." Miroku didn't quite know why he would bare his soul to a you-kai that had countless times tried to kill them all, but he did know it felt good to just say what was stuck inside and let the tears fall.

Sesshomaru blinked and repeated, "My brother? Inuyasha?"

"Yes."

"What did he do?" there was a slightly bitter taste to Sesshomaru's words.

"It hurts." Miroku placed his hand over his heart.

Sesshomaru put his hand over Miroku's.

"You loved him?"

"Yes."

"Does he love you?"

All the pain and hurt in the world was concentrated in those gorgeous purple eyes and magnified trillions of times over.

"It's the Kagome wench isn't it?"

A painful nod.

Sesshomaru pulled Miroku into his arms. Neither felt as if the embrace was awkward, and both relished in the warmth of the other.

Miroku shivered when Sesshomaru's lips brushed across his ear.

"My brother has taken what he has for granted. I've needed you—loved you—for a longer time than I can remember. I want you, and now you are mine."

Why did it hurt so much? Why did it bring so much agony? Having a lover and then coming to the cold realisation they loved someone else was worse than not having a lover at all. Miroku buried his face into Sesshomaru's chest.

Three words echoed in Miroku's head.

"You are mine."

A solitary tear slid down his face, just to be soaked up by the fine fabric of Sesshomaru's kimono.

The you-kai was cradling him in his arms, running a hand through his black hair.

"You're awake I see." There was warmth in Sesshomaru's voice that Miroku had never heard before.

"Where am I?" Miroku murmured groggily. He hadn't realised he'd fallen asleep.

"I carried you back to my palace. You were so exhausted." Sesshomaru pressed a gentle kiss on Miroku's lips.

"Thank you," Miroku whispered, tears sliding down his face.

Unhidden sobs wracked Miroku's weakened body and Sesshomaru pulled him closer to him.

Soon Miroku's crying subsided into deep, even breathing as he slept in Sesshomaru's strong you-kai arms. Sesshomaru lay back on his bed, and held Miroku's body with his own.

"Miroku!" Inuyasha continued to call out. The houshi was nowhere to be found.

'He saw Kagome and I kissing! He'll never forgive me, no matter how kind he is. I wouldn't blame him though—if I found him kissing Sango I wouldn't think twice before cutting him to ribbons.'

"Master Inuyasha!"

Inuyasha slapped his cheek and a flattened Myoga fluttered to the ground.

"Whaddya want Myoga?" Inuyasha grumbled in a very hostile manner.

"Miroku is with Sesshomaru!" Myoga jumped and pranced on Inuyasha's shoulder to emphasize his point.

"Sesshomaru kidnapped him?!?!"

Inuyasha sprinted away so fast Myoga fell off his shoulder.

Warm lips kissed light as butterflies along Miroku's jawbone and a hot, wet tongue sucked at the nape of his neck. Sesshomaru sunk his teeth into the tender flesh enough to draw blood. He licked away the sweet crimson liquid and smiled seductively.

"I love you Miroku. You are mine."

"I love you as well, Sesshomaru."

The starry night smiled down on Miroku, as for once the pain and worry was gone from his eyes.

Inuyasha bounded lightly across the grassy hills on the way to Sesshomaru's castle.

"MIROKU!" he yelled out to the horizon, where Sesshomaru's castle was nestled comfortably between two forests of sakura trees.

'I'm sorry. Gomen nasai!'

"Aishiteru," Miroku breathed quietly, stroking Sesshomaru's cheek before nodding off into sleep.

"Aishiteru." Sesshomaru took Miroku's hand and caressed it gently, drawing his fingers across Miroku's pale, long, thin ones.

Miroku nodded in response and fell finally into a deep sleep. Sesshomaru basked in the beauty of his human lover, smiling at the sexy scent he gave off.

Morning broke over the feudal lands, illuminating the individual blades of grass in turn and creeping cheerily over the horizon.

"SESSHOMARU!" Inuyasha bellowed.

Sesshomaru's eyelids fluttered open. His gaze fell on his sleeping lover, Miroku, and he grinned contentedly.

Miroku's head was pillowed by Sesshomaru's chest, and it proved rather difficult to come out of bed without disturbing the sleeping human.

A you-kai finally emerged from the rice-paper drapes and Sessomaru came face-to-face with his hanyou half-brother Inuyasha.

"What is troubling you so much Inuyasha?" he almost drawled.

"You bastard! You kidnapped Miroku!" Inuyasha shouted.

"I did no such thing! I found his stumbling through my territory, aimless and lost. I found him, and now he's with me. You're the one who made him run away in the first place! Who's the bastard now?!" Sesshomaru snapped hotly, anger rose in the form of a flush to his face.

Inuyasha bit his tongue.

"Where is he now?"

"I'm right here Inuyasha."

Miroku pushed the drapery away and stepped out of Sesshomaru's magnificent castle.

"I'm sorry Miroku! Please forgive me! I love you! It's a misunderstanding!" Inuyasha fell to his knees at Miroku's feet, crying and apologizing profusely.

"Y-you love me?" Miroku blinked in surprise, but shook his head. "I love Sesshomaru." The violet eyes were hard and stony, colder than ice.

A hurt look passed over Inuyasha's face, and Miroku felt broken inside.

It hurt more than being at Naraku's torture disposal for the rest of their lives.

"M-Miroku…"

Sesshomaru walked up behind Miroku and wrapped his arms around him.

"He's mine Inuyasha," Sesshomaru spat at Inuyasha. Miroku hung his head.

'It… hurts…'

Disbelief poured out of Inuyasha with his salty tears.

"No…" he said to himself, "It can't be!"

In blind rage and agony he lashed out at Sesshomaru. Sesshomaru dodged easily and pulled Miroku to the side.

Miroku's eyes were dull and lost. They were unfocused and he was clutching at his heart.

'It… hurts…'

The pain was unbearable. Miroku felt as if he was being shredded to bits, and Inuyasha felt no different. The agony cut up both their hearts, making them bleed out tears.

'It… hurts…'

Sesshomaru and Inuyasha went all out, fighting for the heart of one houshi, but Miroku couldn't take it anymore.

He stepped at the centre of both their attacks, crying out in torment as both tore harshly through his flesh.

A flash of blinding light made both Sesshomaru and Inuyasha shield their eyes.

When the light subsided, all they could see was a crumpled heap of blood and cloth lying on the ground.

'It… hurts…'

Both hanyou and demon rushed toward Miroku, tears rushing down their faces.

They both kissed him passionately upon the lips, tasting not only Miroku's sweet mouth and coppery human blood, but also their own tears.

Rin came up behind the crying form of Sesshomaru. Jaken was cowering in a corner, afraid because of Sesshomaru's newly exposed form of emotion.

Gently clutching Sesshomaru's kimono, Rin's tears trailed down her face as she touched Miroku's cold cheek.

"I liked Miroku-chan," she coughed, closing his dull, lifeless eyes with her fingertips.

"I loved him more than anything in the world," Inuyasha and Sesshomaru confessed in unison.

'Indirectly,' Inuyasha and Sesshomaru thought, 'We made him choose. And he couldn't. It hurt him so much.'

Days drew on without Miroku.

Sesshomaru and Inuyasha became closer as brothers, though they didn't live together in Sesshomaru's palace.

Sango was sad, but she knew she lost Miroku only as friend and nothing more.

Kagome was determined to bring Miroku back with the Shikon no Tama, and Inuyasha fought his hardest to gather them all together.

However, Inuyasha couldn't stop thinking of his beautiful, young houshi.

'I will always love you Miroku,' he thought as he slay another you-kai, 'You saved both Sesshomaru and I.'

'It… hurts…'

'Why does it hurt?'

'WHY DOES IT HURT SO DAMN MUCH?!'

Rain began to fall as the last shard was fused into the Shikon no Tama.

Miroku was crying.

It scarcely rained since Miroku scarcely cried. Inuyasha hadn't realised that whenever Miroku was crying it was raining. He could tell that Sesshomaru was thinking the same.

"It never rained when you were crying Miroku. It rained BECAUSE you were crying.'

Two years later, and the Shikon no Tama was whole the entire time. Finally, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru gathered the courage to wish Miroku back.

Miroku's eyes opened. He blinked, the long black lashes glittering in the sunlight.

A small smile graced his lips, and both Sesshomaru and Inuyasha rushed forward to embrace him. Both held him tightly, and didn't want to let go.

They kissed him deeply in turn, Inuyasha nipping slightly at his bottom lip and battling him with his tongue for dominance, and Sesshomaru taking dominance with his mighty tongue and gently biting down on his bottom lip.

Even dying didn't erase the sadness, pain and worry from Miroku's eyes. He was still cursed, still had the kazaana in his right hand, but now the loneliness that glinted in his eyes was only a memory.

bffimagine: Alright. So it wasn't THAT long. But it certainly had all that painful emotion it needed and it had a (dun dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuun) happy (gasp) ending.

Miroku: She killed me! AGAIN!

Inny: That went better than it could've. Interesting.

Sesshy: I guess it was okay…. How come you made Inu/Mir the stronger pairing? Why not make Sess/Mir the stronger one? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!?!

Bffimagine: . Ok. You should all know the drill by now (geez! 22 fics and you don't know yet?!?!). REVIEW!


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